Still Listening by Norvene Vest

Author:Norvene Vest
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Church Publishing Inc.

And further, I tell you this in very truth: when you were young you fastened your belt about you and walked where you chose; but when you are old you will stretch out your arms, and a stranger will bind you fast, and carry you where you have no wish to go. (John 21:18, NEB)

This is part of the gospel message we would rather not hear and certainly not experience. Like Jesus given over to his captors and ultimately to his crucifixion, the dying have been “delivered up.” They live in awareness of their smallness and impotence in the sight of God. They have entered a new place and are living in a new way. Just as we can read books and take childbirth-preparation classes to ready ourselves for the other great spiritual experience of birth giving, so we can study death and acquaint ourselves with its physical processes. But no amount of study or practice can replicate the actual circumstances at either threshold. The dying are in a place where we have not been. As spiritual directors, we approach them with reverence and respect.

As an Episcopal priest, I am writing from a Christian perspective. Spiritual direction is not the exclusive province of the clergy, however, and not all the people with whom we work will be faithful churchgoers. While my ministry now is in an exclusively Christian context, in the past I have worked comfortably with Jewish residents in a nursing home. Our mutual respect enabled us to achieve warm and candid relationships despite our fundamental differences. My point is this: death is a profoundly theological issue for all of us, not simply for the religiously observant. It is no longer possible to avoid questions of deep meaning. What is happening to me? Why am I suffering? Does my life make any sense? What about all my unfinished business, the things I never said or did or asked? What about the times I wish I had said, “I'm sorry,” or, “Thank you”? Do I matter? What will happen next? What will it be like? Is there a God?

Whether we are lay, ordained, or members of religious orders, we are not likely to minister among people with extensive theological vocabularies. And even those so proficient verbally are likely to save the fancy words for easier times. We may minister to those who deny any deep faith and would claim only a nodding acquaintance with God. We might encounter some spunky agnostics and a few frightened atheists. It has been my experience that many good and faithful people tend not to value their spiritual experience, indeed the heroism of their endurance. They tend, rather, to see themselves as “ordinary,” leaving the spiritual realm to the clergy, if not to identified saints and mystics. Most people have never had the opportunity to talk about themselves—their doubts, their fears, their faith. Whatever form it might take, spiritual direction when they are near death can open new doors for them and reveal new vistas.

The spiritual director can bring the gift of patience to the conversation.

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